A New Fatherhood

2 Corinthians 13: 11-13 Tyler Amundson June 19, 2011

In case you did not already know today is Father’s day, If you didn’t already know this... You may need to call your father when you get a chance. Or you can text him now if you feel the need.

I have simple question today: “What is fatherhood?” What is this condition we call being a father? Is fatherhood simply being the biological agent of a living being or is it more? Throughout history fatherhood has been defined more by the relationship between the father and children and less by the biological definition. I think it is defined this way because the bond between father and child is such a powerful relationship in our lives. It is a relationship that forms our existence as humans in many, many ways. It can be a powerful relationship in a good and negative ways.

For many people fatherhood has been experienced in negative ways....children of abusive fathers know this very well. These children have felt the manipulation, and pain of not having a caring and loving father figure in their lives. Many children, too many, know this kind of father figure all too well. I can not emphasize how drastically these negative experiences can hurt individuals and how often these are the things that haunt people the rest of their lives. Sins they did not commit, but yet they feel their entire lives. It is in these negative experiences that humans feel their wholeness threatened. Now this is not to be confused for children for whom their father is absent not by choice, but by circumstance. Some father’s wish more than anything to be close to their children, but are not able to be. From the image of an abusive father, it is not hard to see why many people struggle with images of God as a father...especially those who have never had a positive experience with their father. A God who hurts you is not someone I would want to lift in praise and thanks on Sundays. I know for some of us it is easy to use images of God as father because it is what we have always done. However, because it is difficult for some I ask that we seek to struggle with others as they seek to find positive images of fathers.

So today on Father’s day I want to give you all a chance to hear about a fatherhood passed down through Christianity that embraces values of love, compassion, strength, faith, and a hope for Children; in hopes that we might seek to see fatherhood in a new way. One that embraces these values dynamically and with a grace filled love we all pray is possible. It is my hope that by demonstrating images of fathers being good parents that we can all imagine a New Fatherhood. A New fatherhood that embraces the love of Christ and that draws deeply on the images of past and the possibility of the future. This is not saying that old fatherhood is bad, in fact from the old fatherhood is where I draw my examples. This New fatherhood is about imagining a type of fathering that embraces love and our human experiences together in new ways.

First, I must admit all fathers have their flaws. During Corinne’s first year of life I can think of times when I was so overwhelmed by her crying that I had to set my child down and walk away until I could calm down. It wasn’t a lack of love for her. I truly needed a break...and there was nothing wrong with this. We are all human and have our limits and first rule of fatherhood is recognizing that we can not be all the things we wish we could be for our children. As humans there is nothing wrong with admitting our limits and as fathers to teach healthy behaviors we must demonstrate these to our children. I can think of no better TV couple to demonstrate good fatherhood and healthy boundaries than the Dad duo from Modern Family, Mitchell and Cameron. In the series Mitchell and Cameron have adopted a daughter, Lily, as a baby and are raising her. One night they are attempting to Ferberize her. This is the theory that you have to at some point let your child cry until they can learn how to self-sooth. During this particular episode this involves making sure that neither parent goes to Lily’s crib until its time to get up in the morning. One dad, Cameron, is sitting there trying not to listen to the baby monitor, but obviously wanting to go and hug Lily. Mitchell, the other dad, is telling Cameron to ignore it but Cameron can just not stand the crying. Cameron himself, the ex football player, is crying. The next scene cuts to Cameron reaching in the crib to get Lily and whammmm!!! He gets tackled by Mitchell. This is what I call full contact fatherhood...these guys represent a complete commitment to raising a child who is loved and both are doing it the best way they know how.

Which is the next point for fathers...you do it the best way you know how. Many fathers know that when your first child is on the way, all you can think of is “How I am cut out for this?”. The truth is . . . the real trick to good fatherhood is loving your child and being as present as you can be for them. Full contact fatherhood isn’t about knowing every method, Ferberization technique or idea about fathering. It is about being there with all of your being for that child at every stage.

Then there is the last and hardest piece of fatherhood it is letting go and hoping the advice you gave them along the way pays off. Our scripture today is Paul doing this as a spiritual father to a community of believers. Paul is giving what one of my professor’s calls avuncular advice. For those who need a word to use later or even to impress your Dad when you call them...the word was avuncular. It means of or pertaining to an uncle, or in other words another older father figures advice. Avuncular, it will impress almost anyone. Anyways where was I, oh thats right letting go... He is telling them to love one another, to see Christ in their midst and to imagine a New Kingdom like Christ has invited us into. Now Paul too has his flaws, but this is a beautiful piece of advice. Then Paul has to let them go...and hope they will do their best.

All you can hope for in fatherhood is that your children can use what you teach them to pick themselves up each day to face the world. I got to see this happen as I was writing this sermon and I looked over to see Corinne trip and fall. Instead of crying out she pulled herself up and walked on to where she was headed. Fatherhood is about being proud of your child for simply learning to pick themselves up. It is about being proud of the simplest moment. It is about dedicating yourself to the community around you whether it is your immediate community or the greater community.

Fatherhood is about loving, knowing your own limits, getting involved in full contact parenting, giving advice and then letting go. It is a complicated thing, but God gifted you with the ability to do this.

Fatherhood is a powerful thing, and a New Fatherhood involves looking to our guides from the past and living our New Fatherhood with all the love we can find. We have to find ways to make our children whole and to never break them down. We need to as Paul says, “Greet one another, (our children), with a Holy Kiss”. [1]

Well that’s the end of my sermon, but I have one more request this fathers day. In your bulletin you will notice a list of needs for one of the new ministries we are supporting...Family Promise. This is an organization trying to help fathers, and families get off the street. They have some needs and I would ask that in the spirit of New Fatherhood if you could help by offering one item on this list, we might help support a spirit of New Fatherhood in our community.

[1] 2 Corinthians 13:12